Heard a poem today that totally explains how I feel these days....

its hard to wait
around for something
that you know
might never happen
but its even harder
to give up
when you know
its everything
that you want

Love

Love is such a tender thing
Like petals touched by the first day of spring
Everything at first is gold and new
Then things turn silver and you start to see blue
But then when you next look things are black
And this is when you like to turn your back
You ignore it all when things get rough
All because you have to be tough
When oh when will you ever learn
Like all things love too can turn.

I can say in all honesty that today has by far been the worst day of my entire life. I figured that when I got home, I would have my loving boyfriend to cheer me up. Boy was I wrong. He walked in the door and started getting mad right off the bat. Then we got in an arguement and he slapped me. Then he continued to tell me how lazy, and slobby and useless I am. THen he just had to rub in how my entire family has basically shunned me, as if that isn't hard enough. Then we argued some more and he threw his drink in my face. So that on top of everything has just about pushed me to the edge.

There has been so much stress. I don't think I canb take much more. God I feel so alone, so unloved. Why is it that even though my life is going better than it has in my entire life, why am I so depressed??? I can't beleive I am actually going to admit this, but I have actually given some serious thought to suicide. SCary. For anyone who knows me, they would be shocked for me even bringing that up. I can't help but think of my best friend who killed herself almost 8 years ago. God Kris, I'm so sorry you ever felt like this. I now understand. I am so glad I have a son to live for, that is truly what is kepping me going right now.